Wednesday, January 30, 2008

last night the wind was gusting up to 60 (is that possible?) MPH and i felt that the window over our bed was going to blow in on us at any second. i heard a portion of a freight train was derailed due to wind west of here in sandusky, ohio. it was very frightening. we could feel a serious draft, prompting stephen to ask if the window was open. and i think i had a dream about caulking the window frame!

i was up a couple of times because of the wind but not because of the babies...i think, i THINK--- dare i even say it---that they are now sleeping through the night. mainly due to the fact that we are no longer nursing.

i am mourning closing that door forever.

it's sad.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

i have no idea where the week has gone. i started working this week. it's only 16 hrs/wk spaced out over four days, but i can tell it's too much. i need to be home. this picture is the extent of my non-bedtime routine time with sage azul---a brief morning-time kneel down hug. i have to communicate with my boss the need to be in the workplace but not of the workplace. mommy-ing is my main priority right now, not antiquarian books. books can wait kids can't!

Monday, January 21, 2008

sundays in the fall and winter are inadvertantly dominated by american football. when the browns are playing it's visceral and compelling. they did great his year, a thoroughly and exciting winning season. but even when the brownies are not playing, there is something so RIGHT about hunkering down on the couch with my knitting and blanket and kids and husband and maybe a choice beer and watching the game. football is like comfort food for me.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

i was supposed to start the long-awaited yoga teacher training today...but, like everything in my raucously riotous life the training has been postponed due to low enrollment. the lead yogini is in India and communication with her is "spotty" (that's the word everyone is using), so it's all up in the air. hopefully it will be postponed only a couple of months. i love how i am trying desperately to plan life and am thwarted at every pass. maybe the lesson is to set goals but not time limits. ahh--revelation.

had a FABULOUS yoga class today. it was a twist class but also concentrated on puffing out the upper back thigh muscles in all the standing postures. sarvangasana made my biceps hurt...i must have been doing some good work. my teacher is incredible! she has really become my yoga mentor. yet another reason for being in cleveland.

Monday, January 14, 2008

i got a job today!!

It snowed this morning. What a lovely, lovely way to wake up. Snow is so quiet. I never realized how much I missed the snow living in the south for all those years. And every snowflake is different?! Is that true? How can one know that? If it is true is a testament to the ornately crystalline and utter breathless beauty of nature. The observation of the peacefulness of nature exists juxtaposed to my life as a mom. My kids are a also a testament to the exquisite beauty of nature---a heart muscle that pumps blood, brains that continue to strengthen and develop new neuro-pathways and stunning blue eyes; but my life as a mom is anything but peaceful for me. It is exhausting to be needed so much every waking moment of every day. It is exhausting to be responsible for healthy eating and healthy, creative play and protection from consumer culture. But it's such a short period of time---that's my mantra. And a place and time that could never exist again, one that must be absorbed in it's absolute fullness every moment that it happens.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

yesterday was one of those windows into the divine. i love it when i have days like that! we have been TENSE for about a month now, thinking certain doors were closed to our future. and out of the chaotic cosmos we found out yesterday that stephen is back on track for the M. Ed.---projected graduation date of spring 2009. apparently they can just make classes count for things that they are completely unrelated to and it all works! another cozy year in my beautiful cleveland apartment!
consequently we slept well last night (as well as you can waking up at least twice to screaming baby boys) and happily piddled today away. i cooked a pot of beans for the coming week ( i now just throw in a halved onion and a whole garlic pod skins and all to save time yet guarantee flavor), steamed carrots, sweet potatoes and regular potatoes in a feeble attempt to fulfill hungry 14 month old bellies without sugar, wheat, meat or dairy. i finally relented to sage watching a madeline movie in the weak hours right before sundown. stephen helped john continue to restore the downstairs apt. now that dear, crazy debbie has moved out. i also went thrifting with my gram.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

what i did today:
  • decided to let the guys be awake and play in lieu of my sleep
  • sage came home from school and her playmobil cast of characters had a farewell feast before being put up after a 3-day long saga
  • went to yoga (ahhh)
  • made lunch (salmon salad sandwiches--thank you foodheads)
  • took kids to play-time at the library
  • 7PM put kids to bed
guthrie walks now. with arms splayed to the sides and a smile from ear to ear as we sing gayly "what would do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor earlyyy in the morning!!"
i think it should be criminal for pediatricians to prescribe medications to children. there is no way in the universe or any extension of it's sub-galaxies that a four year old could be bi-polar, number one; and number two, that that barely-out-of-infancy child could in any way benefit from taking mood altering, heavy brain-restructuring drugs. it's ludicrous and dangerous. and any parent that would seriously consider such quack-ishness obviously doesn't spend enough TIME with their child.